Have you ever found yourself constantly going above and beyond to please others, even at the expense of your own well-being? You might sruggle with people-pleasing. It's a common struggle many people face and it can leave you feeling anxious and overwhelmed. But have you ever wondered why we have this strong urge to please others? What lies beneath the surface, driving this behavior? Everyone has unique experiences and reasons for their people- pleasing. However, one of the areas I would like to focus on is how anxiety is one of the root causes, and how anxiety therapy can help people pleasing.
Anxiety and people-pleasing
Anxiety often lies at the core of people-pleasing tendencies. Anxiety’s main job is to alert us to potential dangers. However, in social situations, anxiety can make us choose the easiest path to avoid discomfort. If you are a people-pleaser, you may sacrifice your own needs and conform to what others want, all in an attempt to reduce the risk of rejection, criticism or potential conflict. People-pleasing provides temporary relief from anxiety and a sense of safety, but it comes at a cost. You end up neglecting your own needs, suppressing who you truly are, and it impacts your self-esteem. Recognizing this connection between anxiety and people-pleasing is crucial for breaking free from this cycle.
Reasons for people-pleasing:
Everyone has their own reasons for people pleasing. These are a few examples of people-pleasing related to anxiety.
Fear of Rejection
The fear of rejection is a significant driver of people-pleasing. Many people-pleasers feel anxious at the thought of someone being upset with them. To avoid conflict, they go to great lengths to keep everyone happy, even overextending themselves. They put their own needs and wishes aside to keep the peace or to be accepted by others. This fear of rejection reinforces the belief that worth depends on pleasing others, making the cycle of anxiety and people-pleasing worse.
Sensitivity to Anxiety
Some people not only fear rejection but also are more sensitive to anxiety itself. The worry and discomfort that come with anxiety can make the cycle of people-pleasing even stronger. The fear of experiencing anxiety can push them to go above and beyond to avoid any uncomfortable feelings, which further perpetuates the pattern of people-pleasing.
Need for Validation
Everyone needs to feel seen and validated. For those that experience people-pleasing, the need for validation might be even strong. When efforts to please others don't result in the desired approval or recognition, it can be disheartening and exacerbate their anxiety. This disappointment pushes them to work even harder to gain validation.
Worry about the future
Worrying about the future is a common struggle for people-pleasers, causing considerable anxiety. Constantly anticipating situations where they might let someone down or fail to meet expectations can be overwhelming. This worry about the future keeps them trapped in a cycle of striving to please others, often going above and beyond what is reasonable or healthy.
Trauma and people-pleasing
I think of anxiety as a symptom of something greater. Past trauma or painful experiences can have a strong influence on anxiety and people-pleasing tendencies. These people-pleasing tendencies have also become ways to control anxiety in these situations. When someone has been through difficult or traumatic events, it can shape how they behave and think. These experiences can make them extra sensitive to potential harm, conflict, rejection, or being left alone. Their past painful experiences may have taught them that if they are compliant or do what others somehow makes it easier.
To cope with the impact of their past trauma, you may feel a strong urge to please others. You constantly strive to keep everyone happy, avoid arguments, and put others' needs ahead of their own. By doing so, they try to create a sense of safety and control in their environment.
Anxiety Therapy in Utah for people pleasing
If you have found you put others’ needs above your own as a way of dealing with anxiety, know that you are not alone. Many of the women I work with feel the same way. It’s possible to change these patterns through anxiety counseling. Anxiety therapy offers a way to work through all of these struggles. As an anxiety therapist, I help unravel the links between anxiety and people-pleasing. Together, we work towards ways of coping that suit you best, enabling you to manage situations without the burden of excessive people-pleasing.
Start working with an anxiety therapist in Utah
Ready to break free from the cycle of people-pleasing and anxiety? Don't let anxiety hold you back any longer. Anxiety therapy can help. This Utah Counseling Clinic has an anxiety therapist who specializes in helping people-pleasing. To begin anxiety treatment follow the steps below:
Meet with a therapist for anxiety
Find relief from people pleasing