As an anxiety therapist, I know firsthand how perfectionism and anxiety can be closely linked, creating a sense of constant pressure to achieve unrealistic standards. If you're reading this, you might be struggling with perfectionism and looking for ways to cope. You might feel like you're always falling short or you're worried about what might happen if you make a mistake. That's ok, and I want you to know that anxiety therapy can help. In this guide, we will explore what perfectionism is, why it's often connected with anxiety, and how you can learn to manage it. Remember, overcoming perfectionism is a journey, and while it may be challenging, it is certainly possible.
Can you overcome perfectionism?
Absolutely, you can overcome perfectionism. I understand that it can be challenging, especially if you're always aiming to get things just right. But remember, nobody is perfect. That's part of being human. One of the first steps to overcoming perfectionism is realizing that it's okay to make mistakes. Mistakes are how we learn and grow. It's not about never failing. Another important thing is to start setting realistic goals. It's okay if you can't accomplish everything at the highest level all the time. Focus more on progress rather than flawlessness. Try not to compare yourself with others. Everyone has their own strengths and weaknesses. You don’t have to be good at everything. Overcoming perfectionism can take time and it's okay to seek help. You might find it useful to talk to an anxiety therapist, who can provide you with ideas and tools to manage your perfectionism.
Perfectionism and anxiety are often linked. When we talk about perfectionism, it refers to setting really high goals for oneself and feeling a lot of pressure to reach them. This endless chase for perfection can lead to increased anxiety. Anxiety therapy can be a helpful tool in managing perfectionism.
What does it mean to be a perfectionist?
If you're a perfectionist, you might often worry about making mistakes or fear being criticized. You might like being in control a lot. As an anxiety therapist, I see that this type of thinking can lead to a constant feeling of worry and discomfort. The fear of not meeting your own standards can be scary and make you feel anxious, stressed, and sometimes, stuck because of the fear of failing.
Being a perfectionist can also make you criticize yourself a lot. If you always hold yourself to incredibly high standards, you might always find problems in what you do or how capable you are. This can make you feel a lot of anxiety because you feel like you never do well enough. This isn't good for your mental health. It's key to remember that perfectionism can look different for everyone. Some people might want to be perfect in their jobs or school, while others might focus on how they look, their friendships, or other parts of their life. No matter what, the underlying worry and pressure to be perfect are the same.
Is perfectionism linked to anxiety?
Sometimes, people use perfectionism as a way to manage their anxiety. Even though it might not seem to make sense, some people think that if they strive for perfection, they can feel more in control of their anxiety and reduce the chance of anything bad happening. Here are some ways people might use perfectionism to cope:
Control
People who are perfectionists might think that if they can control everything in their life, they can reduce the things that make them anxious. They might try to control their surroundings, their relationships, or even their own thoughts to feel more secure.
Avoiding Failure or Criticism
Perfectionists might think that if they are perfect or get lots of compliments, they can avoid being judged, criticized, or rejected. They might see mistakes as personal failures, which can make their anxiety worse. By trying to be perfect, they hope to avoid these negative things.
Looking for Validation
Perfectionists often depend on approval from others to feel good about themselves. They might think that if they can reach really high standards, others will admire them. This can temporarily make their anxiety better.
Reducing Uncertainty
Perfectionists might plan a lot, prepare a lot, or check things over and over to reduce the uncertainty that makes them anxious. They might feel like they have to check their work again and again, ask for reassurance, or do a lot of research to make sure everything is perfect, leaving no chance for mistakes or surprises.
What is the root cause of perfectionism?
Perfectionism is something that many people, especially women I work with, struggle with. It comes from a strong want to be flawless and a big fear of failing. But what causes this ongoing chase for perfection? As an anxiety therapist, I believe that by understanding the link between anxiety symptoms and perfectionism, you can understand yourself better and find improved ways to manage anxiety.
Anxiety often is a main cause of perfectionism. Here are some ways that anxiety leads to trying to be perfect:
Fear of Failing and Being Criticized
Anxiety stirs up a deep fear of making mistakes or being seen in a bad light by others. Perfectionists often think that any failure or flaw will lead to rejection, embarrassment, disappointment, or judgment from others. Because of this, they try to be perfect to avoid or reduce these fears. Anxiety treatment can help you understand where this fear of judgment comes from.
Need for Control and Certainty
Anxiety is often driven by a need for control and a wish to avoid things that are uncertain. Perfectionists, pushed by their anxieties, want to control their environment, actions, and outcomes. They think that if they can be perfect, they can prevent potential symptoms of anxiety and use control to help deal with their anxiety.
Catastrophic Thinking and Biased Thinking
Anxiety often leads to distorted and catastrophic thinking. Perfectionists tend to think in an all-or-nothing way, seeing situations as either perfect or total failures with no in-between. They may also make a big deal out of their mistakes, using one error as proof that they're not capable or not good enough. These incorrect thoughts increase anxiety and make perfectionistic behaviors worse. Working with an anxiety therapist can help you change how you think and how you view yourself.
Unrealistic Standards and Self-Criticism
Perfectionists driven by anxiety set really high standards for themselves. They always try to meet or exceed these standards because they're afraid of falling short. The fear of making a mistake or being judged harshly by others makes them criticize themselves more, reinforcing the belief that they must be perfect. When people go to anxiety counseling, they learn where these unrealistic standards come from and find ways to be nicer to themselves.
Anxious Thoughts About Outcomes
Anxiety can make people worry more about potential negative outcomes. Perfectionists often overthink and plan excessively to prevent mistakes or prepare for every possible outcome. They worry about the future a lot, always thinking about what could happen if they're not perfect. Anxiety therapy can help you manage your anxiety and fear of outcomes in a better way.
How Do You Calm Perfectionism Anxiety?
Striving for perfection can feel like walking a tightrope. While it's good to aim high and hold yourself to high standards, it can also create a lot of stress and worry. To lessen this kind of anxiety, we have to change the way we think and learn better coping skills. It's important to remember that being perfect is impossible and making mistakes is a part of growing. By learning to accept flaws, people can start to ease the pressure they put on themselves.
It's not a quick process to overcome perfectionism, so remember to be patient with yourself. Here are some tips that might help:
Create achievable goals: Perfectionists often set unreachable standards. It's important to set realistic goals and remember that perfection isn't always possible. Instead of aiming for perfection, focus on making progress and improving.
Challenge negative thoughts: Perfectionism can lead to unrealistic thoughts and beliefs. Remember, your thoughts are not always facts. Learn to recognize and challenge these thoughts. Ask yourself if they are based on reality or if they are distorted by perfectionism. Replace negative self-talk with more positive and realistic messages.
Learn from mistakes: Perfectionists often fear mistakes. Recognize that making mistakes is a part of learning and growing. Use mistakes as opportunities to improve.
Be kind to yourself: Learn to practice self-compassion. Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would give to a friend. Everyone has limitations and makes mistakes, and that's okay.
Break big tasks into smaller ones: Perfectionists can feel overwhelmed by big tasks, causing stress or procrastination. Breaking down larger tasks into smaller, manageable steps can help. Focus on completing one step at a time and celebrate your progress.
Make self-care a priority: Do things that help you relax and reduce stress. Take breaks when needed, practice deep breathing, get regular exercise, and make sure to get enough sleep and eat a balanced diet. Looking after your overall health can help lessen anxiety.
Challenge perfectionism directly: Spend time on activities where it's okay not to be perfect, like drawing or writing. Slowly expose yourself to situations where things won't be perfect, and learn how to deal with any anxiety that comes up.
Consider anxiety therapy: If you need it, I am an anxiety therapist who can help. I can help you understand why you strive for perfection and give you ways to manage anxiety. I can offer strategies specifically tailored to you and your experience with anxiety.
What is the best therapy for perfectionism?
When you're struggling with trying to be perfect all the time, finding the right kind of help can make a big difference. There are two types of therapy that are really good at helping with this. They're called Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) and Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR). As a therapist, I've seen how much these can help people.
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) is all about helping you become more flexible in your thinking and to lead a life that is in line with what's most important to you. The idea behind ACT is that when we try to avoid or control our unwanted thoughts or feelings, it can cause us to suffer. ACT helps you to accept these thoughts and feelings as normal and to focus on taking action that aligns with your values.
There are several key parts to ACT:
Acceptance: This means accepting your thoughts, feelings, and experiences without judgment or trying to change them.
Cognitive Defusion: This is about learning to see thoughts as just thoughts, rather than facts. This can help you separate from thoughts that are not helpful or are self-critical.
Mindfulness: Mindfulness is about paying attention to the present moment in a non-judgmental way. This can help you respond better to challenging thoughts and feelings.
Values Clarification: This is about identifying what's most important to you in your life. By aligning your actions with these values, you can make choices that are meaningful to you, rather than being driven by fear of failure or a need to be perfect.
Committed Action: This is about taking action that aligns with your values, even when you're dealing with uncomfortable thoughts or feelings.
Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR)
Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) is another type of therapy that can be very helpful. It was first developed to help with trauma, but it can also help with perfectionism, especially if it's rooted in past experiences or memories.
EMDR can help you deal with experiences that contribute to your need for control, fear of failure, or self-critical thoughts. By working on these memories, EMDR helps to reduce strong emotions and changes negative beliefs about yourself.
EMDR can also address negative beliefs about yourself that fuel perfectionism, such as "I am not good enough" or "I must be perfect to be valued." Through this process, you can develop more self-compassion, self-acceptance, and healthier standards for yourself.
It's important to remember that EMDR should be done with a therapist, as it involves working through potentially distressing memories. An anxiety therapist can provide a safe and supportive space to help you navigate these emotions.
Anxiety therapy in Utah can help you overcome perfectionism
As an anxiety therapist, I understand that perfectionism can often feel like a heavy weight, making every task seem challenging. If you're in Utah and grappling with this, know that help is available. Anxiety therapy can provide you with the tools to navigate through your perfectionistic tendencies, helping you to set more realistic expectations for yourself, and learn to embrace imperfections. By reaching out to an anxiety therapist in Utah, you're taking an important step in overcoming perfectionism, and towards a healthier, more balanced life.
How to begin working with an anxiety therapist in Utah
You don’t have to keep trying to do this alone. You deserve help from someone who gets it and know how to help you. To begin anxiety treatment follow the steps below:
Meet with a therapist for anxiety
Start feeling better