When you’re outside of an eating disorder, it can be challenging to understand the complexity of these mental illnesses. On the surface, it seems like this is all about food, weight, or the desire for thinness, and yet in so many ways that’s not what it’s about at all. Of course, those are the symptoms and the ways eating disorders manifest themselves. Regardless of the type of eating disorder, they are deep-rooted in a variety of things, and in order to heal from them they need to be addressed layer by layer. A significant part of being able to recover from an eating disorder is having support from loved ones. This is why it’s important for family members and friends to have more of an understanding of eating disorders, what they’re about, and how they can help.
So what are eating disorders really about then?
If eating disorders aren’t just about food, weight, and eating then what are they really about? Keep in mind that the answer to this will vary from person to person but here are some common roots of eating disorders:
Traits of Perfectionism
Perfectionistic tendencies are common among people with eating disorders. They may strive for unattainable standards of not only thinness, rules around eating, exercise, and appearance but in sports, work, school, extracurricular activities, and relationships. Struggling with perfectionism fuels disordered eating behaviors and makes it challenging to accept themselves. People with eating disorders may have an intense fear of failure in various aspects of their lives. This fear can be a driving force behind their perfectionistic tendencies, as they believe that achieving perfection will protect them from criticism, rejection, or feelings of inadequacy.
Traumatic Experiences
Trauma can impact a person's ability to regulate their emotions effectively. Eating disorders may serve as a way of coping despite it being unhealthy, it allowing them to numb or control overwhelming emotions associated with the trauma. Disordered eating behaviors can provide a false sense of comfort and distraction from painful memories or feelings. Traumatic experiences can also impact a person's body image especially experiences that are sexual abuse. People with eating disorders may internalize feelings of shame, guilt, or self-blame, leading to negative body image and a desire to alter their appearance through disordered eating behaviors.
Low self-esteem
Eating disorders can become intertwined with a person's sense of self-worth and identity. They may believe that their worth is determined by their weight or adhering to standards of beauty. Achieving a certain weight or body shape becomes a measure of personal value and acceptance and when they can't achieve this it negatively impacts their self-esteem.
Body image issues
Body image issues are closely linked to the development of eating disorders. Negative body image involves a distorted perception of one's body, where people perceive themselves as flawed, unattractive, or disproportionate. This negative perception can drive the desire for drastic changes in body shape or weight, leading to disordered eating behaviors. Body image can become closely tied to an individual's self-worth and identity. If someone's self-esteem is primarily contingent upon their appearance, negative body image can erode their sense of self-worth. The belief that achieving a certain body shape or weight will enhance their value or acceptability can drive the development of disordered eating behaviors.
Emotional coping
Eating disorders can develop as a way to cope with and manage difficult emotions. People with eating disorders may use disordered eating behaviors as a way to regulate and manage their emotions. Food and body-related behaviors provide a temporary escape or distraction from distressing emotions such as sadness, anxiety, anger, or loneliness. Restrictive eating, bingeing, or purging can serve as an unhealthy coping skill to numb or suppress emotional pain. People may use disordered eating as a means to avoid or suppress emotions altogether. They may find it challenging to tolerate or express their emotions directly and instead turn to food or body-related behaviors to create a sense of dissociation or numbness.
Anxiety
Anxiety is incredibly common among those who have eating disorders. I have not met or had a client yet that didn’t have anxiety that also had an eating disorder. Anxiety often coexists with eating disorders as individuals may use disordered eating behaviors as a way to cope with anxiety. The rituals, rules, and control of disordered eating behaviors can temporarily alleviate anxiety symptoms or provide a sense of relief and structure. Pre-existing anxiety or a tendency toward anxious thinking and behaviors can increase the vulnerability to developing an eating disorder.
Need for Control
The need for control often comes from a fear of the unknown, uncertainty, and anxiety. Engaging in disordered eating behaviors can provide a structured routine and rules that help individuals with eating disorders feel more certain and in control. When faced with unpredictable or anxiety-provoking situations, strict control over food and eating patterns can serve as a way to cope and reduce anxiety. Engaging in disordered eating behaviors can provide a structured routine and rules that help individuals with eating disorders feel more certain and in control. When faced with unpredictable or anxiety-provoking situations, strict control over food and eating patterns can serve as a way to cope and reduce anxiety.
Other Mental Health Issues
Eating disorders often coexist with other mental health conditions, such as depression, anxiety, obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), or PTSD. These mental health issues contribute to developing and maintaining an eating disorder.
Societal influences
Societal ideals of beauty, often portrayed through media, advertising, and social media, tend to promote thinness as the ideal body shape. The constant exposure to these unrealistic beauty standards can contribute to body dissatisfaction and drive the desire to achieve a certain body size or shape. The relentless pursuit of this ideal can lead to the development of disordered eating behaviors. Society's negative attitudes and the stigma towards larger body sizes can significantly impact body image and self-esteem. Fatphobia can lead to internalized weight bias and contribute to developing an eating disorder. The desire to avoid or escape weight stigma may drive extreme measures to control weight and conform to societal expectations.
Questions you might be asking about your loved one’s eating disorder
These are some of the common questions that family members and friends ask about eating disorders. I want to provide some answers to them to help expand your understanding of your loved one who is experiencing an eating disorder
Why can’t they just focus on being healthy?
I understand your concern and desire for your loved one to be healthy. However, it's important to recognize that eating disorders are complex mental health conditions that go beyond simply making a choice to be healthy. There are a few reasons why it's not as simple as just being healthy. Ironically the focus on health, is what has possibly led to the development of an eating disorder, and focusing on “health” can also exacerbate the eating disorder. When a person with perfectionistic tendencies tries to focus on health it can go extreme, which leads to eating disorders specifically orthorexia. A hyper-focus on health can lead to increased anxiety and stress related to food choices, exercise routines, and body image. The pressure to constantly make "right" and "healthy" choices can create a significant emotional burden and increase the risk of developing disordered eating behaviors as a way to cope with anxiety or regain a sense of control. An intuitive eating approach is an alternative approach to eating disorder recovery that can help your loved one become in tune with their body's hunger and fullness cues.
Why can’t they just eat normally?
People with eating disorders often experience intense fear and anxiety surrounding food, weight gain, or loss of control. They experience intrusive thoughts about what they should and shouldn't eat that can be loud in their heads. These fears can make it challenging for them to engage in what may be considered "normal" eating. Overcoming these fears requires the help of a therapist and dietitian, learning to develop coping skills, overcoming negative beliefs, and working to eat foods and food groups they may be afraid of eating. All of this must be done with the support of family, friends, and treatment providers.
Can’t they see how unhealthy their behaviors are?
Yes and no. Sometimes people with eating disorders do see how unhealthy their behaviors are and feel immense shame and guilt for engaging in them. Other times they believe their behaviors are necessary for them and may be in a state of denial on how they may negatively be impacting their mental and physical health. Eating disorders can impair the person's insight into their own behaviors and the consequences of their eating disorders.
Why don’t they just stop or control their eating habits?
It’s difficult to stop disordered eating behaviors on your own. When they serve a purpose in the individual's life as a way to cope or make life more bearable, it can be hard to know where to turn instead. When it comes to controlling eating habits, eating disorders can be an extreme form of trying to control eating habits or ends up being the backlash of overcontrolling eating, which results in binging behaviors. People that have binge eating disorder have a history of restricting food intake, which biologically will lead to eventually binging. It’s not from lack of control but it’s the backlash of trying to control food intake too much. Trying to continue to restrict or focus on health is going to make binging worse.
Did I do something to cause their eating disorder?
It is highly unlikely that you or one single factor caused your loved ones eating disorders. Eating disorders result from a mixture of genetic, psychological, and environmental factors. Family dynamics and environment can contribute to the development of an eating disorder indirectly, such as through the emphasis on appearance and body size, classifying foods as "good" or "bad", speaking negatively about your body or others' bodies, and other family factors. As an eating disorder therapist I recommend Instead of focusing on assigning blame, it is more productive to provide support, empathy, and understanding to your loved one as well as educate yourself on eating disorders.
How can I help them if they don’t want help?
If your loved one doesn’t want help, it’s not your job to try and force them to get help. What is helpful to focus on are the things that are in your control. The most important thing you can do is to educate yourself on eating disorders to have a better understanding of what your loved one is going through and why it’s a challenge for them. Continue to express empathy and concern but don’t enable their eating disorder behaviors. You want to create a safe space for them to be able to talk about their feelings and struggles. Continue to encourage your loved one to get professional help and consider getting support yourself.
What triggers their disordered eating?
Triggers for disordered eating can vary from person to person, as each individual's experience with an eating disorder is unique. Contributing factors to developing an eating disorder include negative body image, emotional distress, high expectations, traumatic events, abuse and neglect, societal influences, and a perceived lack of control. As your loved one attends therapy and works with a dietitian you will be able to understand what specifically has impacted them individually.
Can they overcome their eating disorder in the future?
Yes, your loved one can absolutely overcome their eating disorder. Recovery from an eating disorder is possible with the right support, treatment, and commitment to the healing process. It's important to approach recovery with a realistic understanding that it may take time and involve ups and downs along the way. Both you and them will need patience and persistence in focusing on eating disorder recovery. Being able to fully recover involves addressing the underlying issues of the eating disorder and finding new ways to cope outside of using eating disorder behaviors.
Things not to say to someone with an eating disorder
I want to give some recommendations on what not to say to a loved one with an eating disorder. These are common things that have come up in therapy that have been known to be unhelpful.
“Just Eat”
It’s not that simple. When your loved one has intrusive thoughts telling them not to eat or other eating disorder behaviors, telling them to just eat won’t cure an eating disorder.
“You look healthy”
Telling your loved one they look healthy is maybe one of the biggest insults. In their minds, “healthy” means they are fat. While being fat isn’t a bad thing, it’s a negative thing in their mind that they need to work on challenging.
“Why can’t you just eat more/less?”
Again, intrusive thoughts make it difficult to eat more or eat less. This is a simplistic answer but just know it’s not that simple.
“You’re not fat”
Saying this is placing an emphasis on body shape or size. Being fat is not a bad thing and stating this can imply that it might be a negative thing. Bodies come in all shapes and sizes and some people will naturally be in a larger body, and that’s ok. If you’re not ok with your loved one’s shape or size that’s something for you to work on.
“You’re not trying hard enough”
This is an invalidating and hurtful thing to say. You won’t have any idea the effort your loved one is putting into recovery. Eating disorder recovery is not a quick process and will take much longer than both you and you're loved one hope.
“You are just doing this for attention”
Having an eating disorder is a lot of effort to go to for attention. Regardless, this is a hurtful thing to say and won’t inspire your loved one to get better. It will stop them from counting you as a support and will stop opening up to you.
How Eating Disorder Therapy in Utah can help
Eating disorder therapy can be a life-changing decision when it comes to being able to overcome an eating disorder. Working with a therapist that you learn to trust, and that understands you and your eating disorder makes it easier to let your guard down and explore the underlying issues contributing to it. Therapy can help to challenge and modify unhealthy thoughts, beliefs about yourself and your body. You can develop a better relationship with your body, food, and your self-esteem.
Start working with an eating disorder therapist in Utah today
You don’t have to keep feeling stuck in your eating disorder. You can have freedom from the anxiety about food and your body. Eating disorder therapy can help. This Utah Counseling Practice has an eating disorder therapist that specializes in helping women overcome their eating disorders. To begin therapy follow the steps below:
Meet with a therapist for eating disorders
Begin breaking free of your eating disorder
Online Eating Disorder Therapy in Utah
You don’t have to worry about where you are located nor do you have to worry about traveling to a therapy session. I provide online therapy in Utah. Online eating disorder therapy is just as effective as in-person therapy but without the hassle of leaving your home or office.
Online eating disorder therapy means I work with clients all over the state of Utah. I work with clients in Logan, Salt Lake City, Provo, Heber City,
Other mental health services provided by Maple Canyon Therapy
Eating disorder therapy isn’t the only counseling service provided by this Utah Counseling Center. Other mental health services provided by Maple Canyon Therapy include EMDR therapy, binge eating disorder treatment, birth trauma therapy, anxiety therapy, body image therapy, and counseling for college students.
About the Author
Ashlee Hunt, LCSW, is a dedicated and compassionate eating disorder therapist with extensive experience in helping individuals overcome their struggles with disordered eating. She holds a Bachelor's degree in Family Life and Human Development from Southern Utah University, where she gained a strong foundation in understanding the complexities of family dynamics and human behavior. Motivated by her passion for helping others, Ashlee furthered her education and obtained a Master's degree from Utah State University, specializing in clinical social work. Throughout her career, Ashlee has focused her expertise on working with individuals facing eating disorders. With her deep understanding of the emotional, psychological, and societal factors that contribute to disordered eating, she provides a safe and non-judgmental space for clients to explore their experiences and work toward recovery. As an eating disorder therapist, Ashlee is committed to staying up-to-date with the latest research and advancements in the field, continuously expanding her knowledge and refining her therapeutic approaches.