People-pleasing is the desire to make others happy and avoid conflict. You may have been praised for being a peacemaker and knowing how to avoid contention. People-pleasing can be painted as a positive attribute and seems harmless. However, there’s a hidden cost to your mental health when you ignore your own thoughts, needs, and opinions of other people. You become out of touch with the things that are important to you. You mold yourself to become whatever everyone wants you to be. Don’t you have needs, thoughts, and opinions too? All of this ends up contributing to your anxiety. Anxiety therapy can help with people-pleasing and here are ways your people-pleasing is costing your mental health.
The main characteristic of people-pleasing is a continuous worry about what others think and a deep need for their approval. This constant concern keeps our minds always on edge. Because of this, our body's stress defenses kick in, causing ongoing stress. If this carries on for too long, it can result in severe health problems, both physical and mental, including anxiety disorders among others.
Guilt
People who always try to please others often feel a lot of guilt. They might feel bad when they speak up for themselves, put their own needs first, or even when they take a little time off for themselves. This guilt is always there, adding to their worry and stress. This guilt works in a cycle. They try to make others happy to avoid feeling guilty. But when they can't make others happy or when they choose to do something for themselves, they feel guilty. So, they keep trying to make others happy. It's like a trap that keeps them worried and stressed.
In the end, feeling guilty all the time is like being in a tough tug-of-war. On one side, there's the desire to prioritize yourself. On the other side, there's the fear of upsetting others. This struggle can cause a lot of distress, making it harder to break free from the cycle of always trying to please others, and adding to their stress and anxiety.
Anxiety
People-pleasing can directly fuel anxiety. The need to always keep others content and to keep the peace can put you on edge, worrying about others' opinions, reactions, and feelings. The fear of making a mistake or disappointing someone is stressful. This unending cycle of worry activates the body's stress response, causing feelings of restlessness, irritability, and difficulty concentrating, which are all common symptoms of anxiety. Over time, this state of anxiety can develop into an anxiety disorder, significantly impacting a person's mental health and overall well-being.
In addition to the constant worry and stress, always trying to make others happy can cause you to neglect your own needs and emotions. This self-neglect can leave you feeling overwhelmed and under a lot of pressure, further adding to your anxiety. You might find yourself overthinking every decision or conversation, fearing that any misstep could upset someone else.
Loneliness
People-pleasing can often cause people to feel very alone. The fear of letting others down or being rejected can make it hard for them to have real, open relationships. They're always hiding their true feelings and desires to avoid arguments or upset, which only makes them feel more worried and alone. Over time, this pattern of hiding their true selves can become a barrier to forming deep, genuine relationships. They might have plenty of people around them, but they still, feel a sense of loneliness because they're not being true to themselves. They're constantly playing a role or wearing a mask, which can lead to a deep feeling of disconnect from others.
Burnout
Always trying to make others happy can make a person feel really tired, both in their body and mind. This is called burnout. Because they're always trying to meet others' needs, people who please others often forget to look after themselves. They might not notice they're getting unwell until they're really worn out and exhausted. For people-pleasers, burnout can happen because they're constantly giving to others without taking time to replenish their own energy. They often ignore the signs of burnout, like feeling exhausted or becoming more irritable, because they're too focused on pleasing others. But ignoring these signs doesn't make them go away.
Anxiety Therapy in Utah for people-pleasing
Anxiety therapy can be a big help for people who often try to please others. In anxiety counseling, you can learn how to understand and manage your anxiety, as well as address the reasons behind your people-pleasing habits. As an anxiety therapist, I can help you learn how to set healthy boundaries, express your feelings, and prioritize your needs. You can also learn coping strategies to handle stress better and prevent burnout. Through anxiety counseling, you can work on building your self-esteem and start to understand that your worth is not tied to pleasing others. Over time, anxiety therapy can help you break free from the cycle of people-pleasing, reduce your anxiety, and improve your overall mental health and well-being.
Begin working with an anxiety therapist in Utah
Your job on earth is not to make everyone else happy at your expense. You deserve to prioritize your needs first. Anxiety therapy can help you overcome people-pleasing. This Utah Counseling Center has an anxiety therapist that can help. To begin anxiety treatment follow the steps below:
Meet with an anxiety counselor
Find freedom from people-pleasing