You may have heard the word toxic perfectionism thrown around or this is your first time hearing about it. You might wonder if it’s any different than regular perfectionism and what does toxic perfectionism entail? Perfectionism involves aiming for high standards, achievement, and excellence. If you are a perfectionist you might be motivated to do well in work, school, and in your relationships. You want to be successful in many parts of your life. So when does it turn toxic? Honestly, I haven’t met a balanced perfectionist because as humans we aren’t mentally and emotionally equipped to obtain perfection constantly. However, let's explore more about the term toxic perfectionism and how anxiety therapy can help.
What is toxic perfectionism?
Toxic perfectionism is a mindset that is rigid on holding yourself or others to unrealistically high standards. These high standards are not attainable and result in burnout and strained relationships. It is common that these perfectionists to be angry and disappointed when they don’t achieve their goals. Toxic perfectionists will take a hit on their self-esteem when they are unable to achieve the goals or expectations they have for themselves. They may also become overly critical of themselves or others. Like perfectionists, toxic perfectionism can be focused on people pleasing at their own expense. As a result, these perfectionists experience symptoms of anxiety and depression. Toxic perfectionism disregards the effort and growth that might occur trying to achieve goals because of the intense focus on a perfect outcome.
What are the symptoms of toxic perfectionism?
Not everyone that experiences toxic perfectionism will have all of the listed symptoms. These are just some of the common symptoms of toxic perfectionism:
Unrealistic standards
Fear of failure
Critical of self and others
Need for control
Procrastination
Rigidity
Somatic symptoms
Interpersonal relationship difficulties
Anxiety
Depression
Insomnia or trouble sleeping
Imposter syndrome
What causes toxic perfectionism?
There’s never a simple answer to complex issues such as toxic perfectionism. Toxic perfectionism can be influenced by so many factors. Here are some common factors to consider:
Genetics
There is research suggesting that genetic factors can contribute to the development of perfectionistic tendencies. There’s so much we still don’t know about genes and how it relates to perfectionism but at this point, we know there is some relationship.
2. Parenting and childhood experiences
Being raised by perfectionistic parents or parents who have high expectations can lead to toxic perfectionism. When there is a strong emphasis on achievement and success in a family, this influences perfectionistic behaviors.
3. Trauma
Those who have experienced trauma may have learned to cope using perfectionistic behaviors. Those who have been through trauma may have learned that they experienced less emotional or physical abuse when they were successful.
4. Personality traits
Certain personality traits may be more prone to become toxic perfectionists. Personality traits such as high conscientiousness, neuroticism, need for control, high standards, and OCD traits.
How to stop toxic perfectionism?
Being able to stop toxic perfectionism is no small task and requires a lot of support including the help of a mental health professional. Being able to overcome toxic perfectionism involves practicing self-compassion, learning to cope with anxiety, and challenging the negative beliefs you have about yourself. To be successful in letting go of toxic perfectionism long term, addressing underlying trauma and learning to manage underlying mental health issues is critical. Overcoming toxic perfectionism takes time and patience. It doesn’t happen overnight because it didn’t develop overnight. You probably have more experience with using perfectionistic behaviors than you haven’t.
What are the signs of perfectionism?
Perfectionism is highly individual and unique to each person. These are common signs of perfectionism:
Setting extremely high standards for oneself or others.
Procrastination. Perfectionists procrastinate for fear that they can’t achieve a goal or complete a task to their high standards.
Overthinking. Perfectionists tend to overthink or overanalyze situations.
Focus on outcomes and achievement. Perfectionists focus on achieving their standards rather than growth and learning.
Black and white thinking: Perfectionists tend to think of things in extremes and don’t see a middle ground.
Control. Perfectionists have a need to feel in control of situations, people, and emotions.
Self-critical. Perfectionists can utilize negative self-talk, and blame, and are overly hard on themselves.
Therapy for perfectionists in Utah can help with toxic perfectionism
If you are someone struggling with toxic perfectionism, there’s help for you. You can work through toxic perfectionism in therapy. Therapy can help you learn to understand self-compassion and how to practice it. You can learn to challenge negative self-talk and be able to change and challenge the negative beliefs you have about yourself. You may have learned to use perfectionistic tendencies as a way of coping with trauma or anxiety. Working with a therapist can help you learn to cope in a more healthy and effective way. You can also learn to heal from your trauma and work through the other underlying emotional issues you may have experienced or be experiencing. Therapy may not be easy but it’s worth the effort and impact it will have on your life. You deserve to be seen and understood. You can overcome toxic perfectionism, and promise that therapy is a valuable tool to help.
Begin therapy for perfectionism near Provo, Utah
You don’t have to stay stuck in a pattern of perfectionism. You can learn to be kind to yourself and not give yourself a hard time when you don’t do as well as you would have liked. This Utah Counseling Clinic has a compassionate therapist who specializes in treating perfectionism. To begin counseling follow the steps below:
Meet with a therapist for perfectionism
Start healing from toxic perfectionism
Online Therapy in Utah
I know it’s not easy to access a therapist that specializes in what you need. It can be inconvenient to travel to a therapy appointment when you don’t have the time. This is why I offer online therapy in Utah. It’s just as effective and helpful as in-person therapy but much more convenient.
Online counseling means I work with women all over Utah. I work with clients in Logan, Salt Lake City, Provo, St. George, Cedar City, Heber City, and more.
Other mental health services provided by Maple Canyon Therapy
Therapy for perfectionism isn’t the only therapy service provided by this Utah Counseling Practice. Other mental health services provided by Maple Canyon Therapy include anxiety therapy, EMDR therapy, eating disorder therapy, counseling for college students, birth trauma therapy, binge eating disorder treatment, and body image therapy. Schedule a consultation today to see how I can help!
About the Author
Ashlee Hunt is a licensed clinical social worker and found of Maple Canyon Therapy near Provo, Utah. Ashlee obtained her master's degree in social work from Utah State University and two bachelor's degrees in family life and human development and psychology from Southern Utah University. Ashlee has been working with women who struggle with perfectionism since 2013. She loves helping women learn more about self-compassion and to move past the high standards they set for themselves. She enjoys helping women see themselves more accurately and to let go of the anxiety surrounding being a perfectionist.