You might be reading this and aren’t convinced you are a perfectionist. Nah, you don’t have perfectionism tendencies. You know other people who do but that’s not you. You might be surprised that there are areas in your life where you are a perfectionist but maybe not all areas. There could be signs you are a perfectionist that you’re missing. Some of the women I work with are so perfectionistic they don’t believe they’re doing perfectionism well enough so they deny it even being a struggle. You may be here because you know that you struggle with perfectionism or someone you love struggles with it.
What is perfectionism?
Perfectionism is a personality trait focusing on the need for situations or behaviors to be without flaws. Perfectionists want to have order and control and might use these behaviors more when life feels more chaotic. Women with perfectionism hold high standards for themselves and sometimes others. When they can’t achieve these standards they might feel upset or self-critical.
The tricky part of perfectionism is that it can reap positive results and can be reinforced as a good thing by other people. Perfectionists tend to be high achieving, motivated, and responsible. The downside of perfectionism is that it can lead to anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem. Perfectionism can also have a negative impact on relationships and social interactions. Perfectionists struggle to delegate tasks to other people or trust that they’ll be able to live up to their standards.
Is perfectionism a mental illness?
Perfectionism isn’t a diagnosable mental illness in the DSM manual. It can be a symptom of other underlying mental health conditions such as OCD, anxiety, depression, and eating disorders. Perfectionism can also be a way that people to cope with their mental health issues to try and alleviate anxiety but they don’t realize how problematic this is. Perfectionists don’t realize they are dealing with high-functioning anxiety. Perfectionism can lead to heightened stress and self-criticism. Perfectionists find that their tendencies impact their ability to engage in daily functioning and don’t align with their personal values and goals.
What is the cause of perfectionism?
This is not an easy question to answer. Perfectionism is likely impacted both by temperament and personality traits as well as life experiences. Here are some common causes of perfectionism:
Childhood experiences
Parental criticism
Growing up in environments with high standards
Religious upbringing
Personality traits
Societal pressures
Trauma
Mental health issues
How do I stop being a perfectionist?
It’s not easy to will yourself to stop being a perfectionist especially when it’s complicated and there are many reasons why you are struggling with perfectionism. Here are some things to consider trying:
Identify situations, people, places, or emotions that trigger perfectionistic tendencies
Challenge yourself to be more flexible and realistic with your goals
Utilize more positive self-talk
Focus on your values rather than on the outcome
Consider going to therapy and getting the help of a mental health professional
Can perfectionism be good?
Yes, perfectionism can have positive aspects. Having high standards and trying to achieve success is not inherently a bad thing. Perfectionists strive for excellence and are motivated to achieve their goals. However, it becomes problematic behavior when it is rigid and relentless. Perfectionists strive for success at whatever cost including sleep, physical health, and emotional well-being. Perfectionism can be a result of trying to manage anxiety or deal with low self-esteem. It can cover the root issues without addressing them and lead to feeling burned out.
Are eating disorders and perfectionism related?
Eating disorders are often related to having perfectionistic behavior. People with perfectionistic tendencies are more likely to develop eating disorders. The women I work with often want to have perfectionism in all aspects of their lives including their bodies, food, and eating behaviors. When you struggle with perfectionism, you might use food, your body size, and your appearance as a way of controlling your life or being viewed in a positive light by others. Many perfectionists struggle with body image issues. These behaviors lead to disordered eating such as restricting, binging, purging, and excessive exercise. Both perfectionism and eating disorders can reinforce each other and require professional help from a mental health professional.
How do I know I have perfectionism?
Every person that experiences perfectionism has unique challenges and qualities. These are some examples of qualities that might indicate you struggle with perfectionism.
Having overly high standards for yourself. You hold yourself to high standards that you may not hold others to and is difficult to achieve. You may never feel satisfied with yourself despite how well you do.
Seeing things in black and white. You struggle to be flexible with your thoughts and think in extremes. You view yourself in extremes and absolutes. You view your mistakes and flaws as failures.
Procrastinating doing things for fear they won’t be perfect. This is an area where people don’t think they have perfectionism because they procrastinate. However, the reason they procrastinate is because of feeling overwhelmed by trying to complete tasks perfectly.
Avoiding challenges and difficulties. You might avoid taking risks or participating in things you may want to do for fear of not being able to do them perfectly.
Being critical of yourself. Perfectionists tend to ruminate on things they did or said that they believe fall below the standards they set for themselves. You belittle and berate yourself for not doing well enough.
Fear of failure. You have anxiety and intense fears of not being successful or meeting your own standards or the standards you believe others have for you.
Difficulty relaxing and resting. It's hard for you to let yourself not be productive and have a hard time resting because you are concerned about all that you need to do and focus on.
Relationship difficulties. You have a hard time being vulnerable and connecting in relationships because you are guarded with anything that might be perceived as a flaw by others. You may also struggle with having too high of standards for others and are critical of others.
How common is perfectionism?
Perfectionism is not an uncommon personality trait and may become more common due to the influence of social media. Research suggests a statistic of 20-40 percent of people struggle with perfectionistic tendencies. Every individual might struggle with different areas of perfectionism. Some individuals might be perfectionistic about work and school while others are perfectionistic about their appearance and behaviors.
How is perfectionism a problem?
Perfectionists often experience high levels of anxiety and stress due to their high expectations of themselves and their intense fear of failure. Those with perfectionism are overly critical of themselves and experience symptoms of low self-esteem. Perfectionists may procrastinate because of their fear of not being able to perform or complete a task perfectly. Physical health problems are also common in those who struggle with perfectionism such as gut and digestive issues, insomnia, headaches, and stress and anxiety related to their high-achieving tendencies.
Can perfectionism cause anxiety?
I often describe perfectionism as an anxiety management tool for those that struggle with anxiety. This coping skill is problematic in many ways but for those with anxiety, it helps them feel more in control. Those with anxiety struggle with fear of failure and being viewed in a negative light, focusing on perfectionistic tendencies and achieving goals might lower anxiety in these people. The need for perfectionism also leads to higher symptoms of anxiety. Perfectionism can cause a cycle of anxiety when they experience not being able to meet their own expectations and standards for themselves. Procrastination and avoiding starting tasks because of the desire to be perfect can result in greater anxiety.
Therapy for perfectionism can help
Going to therapy can help perfectionists be able to learn to cope with the need to be perfect. Therapy for perfectionism can also help you dive into the underlying reasons that may be contributing to having unrealistically high standards for yourself. Therapy will be able to help you have more self-compassion and lessen the impact your perfectionistic traits have on your well-being and your ability to engage in daily functioning. Working with a therapist can help you challenge the negative beliefs you have about yourself and work through past trauma that may be impacting how you view yourself and others.
Start therapy for perfectionism in Utah
You don’t have to keep feeling overwhelmed by a fear of failure. You can have less anxiety and lessen your need to have high standards for yourself. Therapy for perfectionism can help! This Utah Counseling Practice has an anxiety therapist specializing in treating perfectionism. To begin counseling follow the steps below:
Meet with a therapist for perfection
Being therapy for perfectionists
Online Therapy in Utah
It can be difficult to take time out of your school or work schedule to travel to a therapy appointment. It can also be a challenge when you don’t have a therapist that treats perfectionism in your town. This is why I provide online therapy in Utah. Online therapy is just as effective as in-person therapy but it means you don’t have to worry about leaving your house to try and attend a therapy appointment.
Online counseling means I work with clients in Salt Lake City, St. George, Provo, Heber City, Cedar City, Logan, and more.
Other mental health services provided by Maple Canyon Therapy
Therapy for perfectionism isn’t the only counseling service provided by this Utah Counseling Center. Other mental health services provided by Maple Canyon Therapy include eating disorder therapy, binge eating disorder treatment, EMDR therapy, counseling for college students, birth trauma therapy, and body image therapy. Schedule a free phone consultation to see how I can help!
About the Author
Ashlee Hunt is a licensed clinical social worker and founder of Maple Canyon Therapy in Utah. Ashlee has a master's degree in social work from Utah State University. She also studied psychology and family life and human development at Southern Utah University and achieved bachelor's degrees in both subjects. Ashlee enjoys working with women who experience perfectionism by helping them provide more self-compassion and patience for themselves. She recognizes how hard it is to let go of the need to be pe perfect and believes it's possible In her free time, Ashlee loves exploring southern Utah and riding her ebike through Snow Canyon State Park.