It’s that time of year. The time of year where we are pressured to change our bodies and to get “back on track”. The message is to slim and sculpt all in the name of “health”. For me, this is the time of year where I want to check in with YOU on maybe having different goals that don’t involve manipulating your body into something or someone it’s not.
At the beginning of the year, I posted this photo and told you 2021 was the year I was going to stop apologizing or making disclaimers for my appearance rather than trying to change it. My goal for all my clients and really every woman is to have much less focus and attention on their bodies. We can do that with the language we choose to use with ourselves and to others about our bodies. Our bodies don’t need another diet, fitness challenge, or calorie-counting app. They need kindness and self-compassion regardless of their size or weight.
Self-compassion is the goal.
Whether you are reading at New Year or not, this is for any time of the year. Rather than trying to change your body as a goal, try to focus more on having self-compassion. Those that I work with aren’t always hyped to work on self-compassion. What they worry about is that if they try being more kind to themselves they won’t achieve their goals. They believe part of what has made them successful is because they don’t give themselves a break. They fear that if they speak to themselves with more kindness, they’re going to end up lazy and unmotivated.
You don’t need to be mean to yourself to be motivated. Let me tell you more about why that belief is not true. There is a woman Kristin Neff, who has spent her life researching self-compassion, and she has found the opposite to be true. The more unkind and mean we are to ourselves, the LESS motivated we are. As humans, we are motivated by safety and gentleness. When we feel safe and comforted, that’s when we are most likely to be motivated and to do our best work.
If you are truly being honest with yourself, have you ever felt truly motivated when someone else has been critical of you by pointing out your flaws and telling you that they don’t believe in you? Sure, some of us have an inner rebel that wants to prove people wrong but most of the time we don’t feel uplifted and motivated to do hard things when people speak to us that way. The same is true when you speak to yourself the same way. You will feel more stressed and less inclined to perform at your best.
Self-compassion has positive benefits on mental health
Being mean and judgemental to yourself increases symptoms of anxiety and depression. Just the opposite is also true, being kind and compassionate to yourself can decrease symptoms of anxiety and depression. There’s plenty of research that shows that those that are kinder to themselves are less anxious, sad, stressed, and perfectionistic toward themselves. People that are nice to themselves are actually happier and more positive.
Self-compassion allows you to give more of yourself to others
The women I work with love to give to others. They don’t want to be seen as selfish and self-indulgent. They actively avoid trying to be this type of person. I know that they worry that being self-compassionate is selfish. Again, the opposite is true. The more we focus on giving ourselves self-compassion and kindness, the more capacity we end up having to be there for other people in the ways we want to.
3 ways to practice self-compassion
Speak to yourself the way you would speak to a friend
Maybe you’ve heard the statement, “Talk to yourself the way you would talk to your best friend”. Those I work with would never even dream of talking to the people in their lives the way they talk to themselves, even those they don’t like. The compassion you give to others is the same compassion that you deserve to give to yourself. You know how to be kind to others, and you are good at it. Practice speaking to yourself the same way you would to someone you care about.
Focus on connecting with others
We live in so much comparing ourselves to other people. We notice where we fall short of others or how they’re better than we are. In the end, this never results in long-term fulfillment. We can also feel like we are the only one that struggles or feels alone. Rather than isolating and comparing, focus on cultivating and connecting with others. When we find people that are safe to be real and vulnerable with, this helps us not only to feel less alone but is an act of self-compassion.
Notice your experience and give yourself validation
Be honest with yourself about how difficult what you are going through truly is. Check in with how you are really feeling. You might be prone to minimize it and tell people, “I’m fine!” and that you’ll get through it. Maybe let yourself be honest with yourself that what you’re going through is hard. The way you feel isn’t sunshine and rainbows all the time; let yourself know it’s ok! Tell yourself you’re having a hard time right now, and it’s ok that you feel this way.
Counseling will help you get to the root
You are worthy of self-compassion. You do deserve it. It doesn’t matter what anyone in your life has said to you or how they’ve made you feel, you do deserve gentleness, comfort, and safety. Your life will drastically improve with more self-compassion. Going to counseling can help you work through those past experiences that make you hard on yourself. Sometimes it is difficult to give yourself all the compassion you deserve when you haven’t been able to heal from the past. Some people have a lot of trouble with being able even to begin trying to be more kind to themselves. They can think of all the reasons why they don’t deserve to offer themselves self-compassion. Therapy can really help you dig into why it’s hard and ways to help you be more kind to yourself.
Ready to start anxiety therapy in utah?
Self-compassion is often an approach to dealing with the symptoms of anxiety. You can learn to manage your anxiety and be more self-compassionate, and anxiety therapy can help. This Utah County Counseling Clinic has an anxiety therapist specializing in anxiety treatment. To begin counseling, follow the steps below:
Meet with a therapist for anxiety
Begin cultivating self-compassion
Online Anxiety Therapy in Utah
I offer online therapy in Utah for anxiety treatment. I know that trying to find time to take off work to meet with a therapist and this ends up being a reason to put off going to therapy. I love online counseling because it saves travel time and is just as effective as in-person therapy.
I work with clients all over Utah, including St. George, Cedar City, Logan, Salt Lake City, Heber, and more.
Other mental health services provided by Maple Canyon Therapy
Anxiety therapy isn’t the only counseling service provided by this Northern Utah Counseling Practice. Other mental health services provided by Maple Canyon Therapy include body image therapy, birth trauma, trauma therapy, binge eating disorder treatment, and eating disorder therapy.