I was vacuuming my floor this morning because therapists do that too, and thinking about what I wanted to write about. It seems like on a weekly basis there is a topic or theme that seems to somehow circulate through all of the sessions. I work with women who struggle with anxiety, with eating, and their bodies so yes it makes sense that we would be covering some similar ground. This week’s weekly theme was about people commenting on their bodies or on the bodies of other people.
I don’t know about you but when there is a topic I feel passionate about I feel the fire in my chest even when I think about it. That’s exactly how I feel about this topic, making remarks about people’s bodies even when it feels positive I have strong emotions around it because of the work I do and also being a woman in this society.
When I was working at an eating disorder treatment center, I heard a therapist presenting to family members of the patients we worked with that had to come to treatment for their eating disorders. He advised the parents not to make remarks about anyone's bodies. This felt pretty extreme and an intense guideline to have. Years later, I would donate some cash money if we could make that statement onto a billboard on the I-15 here in Utah.
There is a lot to unpack when it comes to making any comment on a person's body size. It’s a slippery slope. It’s been reinforced to both men and women that complimenting a woman’s appearance is a positive thing to do, and that’s really what a woman wants. Maybe true for some but here’s why I don’t recommend it.
All bodies are good bodies regardless of appearance
In eating disorder therapy, we focus on the fact that all bodies are good bodies not because of what they look like but because they inherently just are. I don’t expect anyone to love their bodies, and for many, that’s pretty unrealistic. However, can come to terms with the fact that our bodies help us do many things. We can learn to respect and have gratitude for them. We can also learn to feel neutral about them rather than actively hating and picking them apart. When there is a focus on weight, appearance, and body size it doesn’t give us much room to truly appreciate them regardless of those factors. Commenting on a person’s body in a negative or positive way is continuing to emphasize appearance.
Don’t comment on weight loss of weight gain
This is the hill I will die on. Don’t compliment or comment on a person’s changing body. Telling someone they look so good after they’ve lost weight is not a good approach. Many of my clients have experiences where they received more attention and compliments when they lost weight. One of my clients used the term “hot girl privilege”. Receiving attention and being hyped up about weight loss isn’t in their heads. In a society that is obsessed with being thin, this is reinforced all over the place. My clients have been in the depth of their eating disorders and their mental health was in the dumpster but they were thinner and were told “You look so good!”. This has reinforced that they didn’t look good before and with this newfound attention, they focused even more on weight loss. They’re not afraid to gain weight because what will people think about them then? Someone close to me lost a significant amount of weight when they were in critical condition, and their weight loss was complimented. This was not what this person needed and nor were they even medically stable but weight loss was still someone deemed of something of value. We are obsessed with weight, and it’s messed up.
My unsolicited advice is don’t compliment anyone’s weight loss, and don’t make comments on someone’s weight gain. It’s not our business what a person’s body is doing, and weight loss or weight gain doesn't hold any value to who they are as a person. It may seem innocent to speak negatively about your body to other people but this is harmful not only to you but to the people around you. They might start to wonder what you think about their body and look at themselves with a critical eye.
You are not complimenting their health.
This is the disguise that we like to hide behind. We are only complimenting a person's weight loss it’s because we care about their health not because we care about what they look like. I would invite you to be really honest with yourself if you truly care about someone’s health especially when there is plenty of research that suggests that weight has much less of an impact on health than we think. There are also no illnesses that only people in larger bodies experience. “Health at Every Size” is a book and also a movement about what health looks like for people of all body sizes. It would certainly challenge what you’ve believed about weight and health.
Instead, Focus on body positivity
I have been in too many scenarios where I have listened to people speak negatively about their bodies or someone else’s, and I didn’t say anything. I didn’t like hearing it, and I disagreed with it but I was silent because I didn’t know what to say. If I could go back in time I would have been more assertive and emphasized that this isn’t ok to speak that way about anybody. You are allowed to dislike people but don’t take it out on their bodies. If you can’t say anything kind or neutral about your body or anyone else, then don’t say it. Your body deserves kindness and compassion regardless of size. Everyone else’s body deserves that too. We don’t know what other bodies are going through, and I would also emphasize that it doesn’t really matter how thin or large someone is. Everyone deserves to have a positive body image no matter what. We don’t have to love everything about our bodies, but we can give them respect. Consider all the unrealistic expectations society has about bodies and the damage it does to our mental health rather than imposing those expectations on ourselves or others.
Body image therapy can help
It’s not easy to feel comfortable with how your body looks. Many women spend more energy than they would like focusing on their body and its appearance. If you are tired of trying to change and alter your body and are ready to get feeling better about your body, body image therapy can help. Body image therapy can help you focus on respecting your body and being body positive regardless of its shape or size. Therapy also helps you break down the experiences that led you to believe your body size was important.
Begin body image therapy in Utah
You don’t have to keep hating your body. Body image therapy can help you find relief from obsessing about what you look like. This Northern Utah Counseling Clinic has body image therapist that specializes in body image therapy. To begin counseling, follow the steps below:
Meet with a body image therapist in Utah
Begin body image therapy
Online Therapy in Utah
I know it’s difficult to access a body image therapist near you. This is why I provide online therapy in Utah. Online counseling allows you to work with an online therapist to achieve your body image goals. It’s safe and convenient, and just as effective as in-person therapy.
Using telehealth means that I can work with you anywhere in Utah. I work with clients located in Heber, Logan, Cedar City, St. George, Salt Lake City, and more.
Other Mental Health Services at Maple Canyon Therapy
Body image therapy isn’t the only counseling service provided at this Utah Counseling Clinic. Other mental health services provided by Maple Canyon Therapy include binge eating disorder treatment, trauma therapy, birth trauma therapy, eating disorder therapy, and anxiety therapy in Utah.