“People think I look better when I’m thinner.” I cannot tell you how many times I have heard that statement or some variation of that statement in therapy with the woman sitting across from me. Do you know what sucks about that? That is reality and not something they made up. People have given them attention and compliments when they’ve been at lower weights. I don’t care at all whatever number my client weighs. The number that has no power over me has so much power over them, and sadly it’s because it’s been reinforced to them as better by the compliments that have been given them when they are at a lower weight.
If you have read the post I wrote very recently “Why You Shouldn’t Comment on Anyone’s Body” you might have an idea how this topic is an area that I am passionate about. At the risk of saying the same thing I saA woman sitting down looking scared. This represents how at Maple Canyon Therapy, provides binge eating disorder treatment, eating disorder treatment, and body image therapy in Utah.id in that post, I wanted to dive into why complimenting weight loss specifically is a bad idea. I am an eating disorder therapist and even when I am working with women without eating disorders, I am working with women in general. I don’t think I have met a woman in my office that didn’t have some history or present struggle with body image. If you are reading this and have never struggled with body image, I would love to meet you!
Pointing out weight loss can have harmful effects
I am writing more about this because the women I work with deserve better, and so do you. I know most people aren’t trying to hurt people by complimenting weight loss. I think they are actually doing the opposite. They think they are being kind and praising their effort and their work. In the moment, it might feel good for people to hear but later it hurts to think about when they’ve gained the weight back or are terrified to eat more because they might gain the weight back. Most people because our bodies aren’t down with eating under what they need. Reasons why you shouldn’t compliment weight loss:
1. You might not realize that you are reinforcing that being thinner is better
As a society, we have been led to believe that being thin is the superior way of being. This is harmful because many people aren’t made to be thin. They have to do to great lengths that are natural and unhealthy to occupy a thin body. Making comments on weight loss continues to give others the message that it’s important to be thin. You also may not realize that you are giving attention to a person who has lost weight that you didn’t give before. Nobody likes that feeling. People will begin equating weight loss with attention.
2. Complimenting weight loss encourages disordered eating.
Remember we have no idea how a person who has lost weight has lost it. Healthy weight loss is pretty hard to come by. Pointing out weight loss as a positive thing reinforces that a person has to use disordered eating behaviors. Disordered eating behaviors take a major physical, emotional, and mental toll on people. Please don’t encourage someone to continue using these. I cannot tell you how painful it is for my clients to try and work through this.
3. Complimenting weight loss is giving the person the message they didn’t look good before.
As I have said before, complimenting weight loss reinforces that a person is more valuable when they are thinner. I have countless conversations with women who have this reaction. They tell me that people in their lives have told them how good they look after losing weight and they begin to believe that their spouse or partner likes them better the thinner they are. There are many reasons that I don’t even point out weight loss ever, and this is one of them. The people in my life have the same value to me regardless of the number on the scale, and I’m sure you feel the same. Make sure you aren’t subtly giving the message that attraction is based on weight loss or being thin.
4. You might be complimenting an illness or an eating disorder.
We don’t know how people lost weight. People lose weight because they are very sick, and complimenting that breaks my heart. I have had several people in my life be incredibly ill and what did people notice? The weight loss. If you don’t know, this is messed up. People also can be losing weight as a result of having an eating disorder and might be working on getting enough courage to get help. They might be working on getting adequate nutrition, and making comments about their body will become a barrier. Eating disorders cause so much physical and emotional damage and complimenting their side effects is not helpful. Many people believe they are complimenting “health” when they are complimenting weight loss. Health means a lot of different things and when someone is sick or has an eating disorder this is obviously not healthy.
I never mean to be harsh, and sometimes learning you’ve been doing things that aren’t helpful really sucks. We don’t always know when we are contributing to a greater problem. I know I have made the same mistakes before knowing better, and I regret the things I have said so so much. All you and I can do at this point is to realize our own beliefs about weight and body size. That’s our stuff to work through if we continue to idealize a thinner body.
Eating disorder therapy for when you’re struggling
If you are struggling with how you feel about your body, disordered eating behaviors, or think you might have an eating disorder, therapy can help. Working through how you feel about your body image and managing your anxiety better is possible. A lot goes into eating disorder recovery, but the first step is reaching out for help. I love working with women who struggle with disordered eating and who are ready to do whatever it takes to get better
Looking for eating disorder therapy in Utah?
I promise you don’t have to struggle with your eating or your body image for the rest of your life. Eating disorder treatment can help. This Northern Utah Counseling Practice has an eating disorder therapist that can help. To begin therapy, follow these steps:
Meet with a body image therapist
Begin eating disorder therapy
Online Eating Disorder Therapy in Utah
When you are struggling with an eating disorder, it’s important that you receive help from someone that has specialized training in eating disorder treatment. I know this isn’t always easy or convenient, as many parts of Utah don’t have access to this. This is why I provide online therapy in Utah. This allows you to meet with an eating disorder therapist from the comfort of your home without traveling or commuting.
Online counseling also means that we can work together wherever you are in Utah. I work with clients in Logan, Salt Lake City, St. Goerge, Cedar City, Heber, and more.
Other services offered at Maple Canyon Therapy Services
Eating disorder therapy isn’t the only counseling service provided at this Utah County Counseling Clinic. Other mental health services provided by Maple Canyon Therapy include binge eating disorder treatment, body image therapy, birth trauma therapy, trauma therapy, and anxiety therapy in Utah.
About the Author
Ashlee Hunt is a Utah therapist and owner of Maple Canyon Therapy in Utah County. Ashlee has been working with women with eating disorders since she was a graduate student working at Utah State University Counseling and Psychological Services as a student therapist. This is where she decided to work with women with eating disorders, disordered eating, and body-image. Ashlee believes eating disorder recovery is possible and likes to help empower women with the tools they need to get better. Ashlee has two bachelor’s degrees from Southern Utah University in psychology and family life and human development. She received her masters in social work from Utah State University. When Ashlee isn’t doing therapy, she enjoys spending time outside and taking her dogs to Strawberry Reservoir.